> INCIDENT REPORT: INFANT CODE REVIEW - INITIATION CYCLE 0001
Context:
Three external consultants arrived on-site to evaluate the prototype Messiah module. Their robes indicate seniority; their expense reports suggest unchecked confidence.
> Consultant 1: Balthazar (Gold - Performance & Stability)
# performance.test
assert messiah.uptime >= eternity
assert miracles.latency <= 3s
assert load_balancer (loaves, fishes) == infinite_scale
Notes: Code is optimized for stress-handling and multitudes. Recommend adding autoscaling logic for Sermon-on-the-Mount-tier traffic spikes.
> Consultant 2: Melchior (Frankincense - User Experience)
# user_experience.audit
assert parables.format == accessible
assert messaging.clarity >= 95%
assert empathy.core_module == True
Notes: Excellent UX design. Users will find teachings intuitive. Slightly cryptic responses logged—suggest async parable decoder patch.
> Consultant 3: Caspar (Myrrh - Maintenance & Debugging)
# resurrection.protocol
assert death_event == recoverable
assert tomb_exit_sequence == clean_shutdown
assert post_resurrection_logs == immutable
Notes: Impressive fault tolerance. Pre-installed resurrection handler appears functional. Long-term logs suggest martyrdom subroutine—needs soft deprecation strategy.
> Final Verdict:
Approved for public beta. Launch deferred until age 30 milestone. Gifts delivered as symbolic install packages. Consultant retainer extended through Epiphany.
// End Report