🚨 INCIDENT REPORT

Timestamp:

[REDACTED]

Component:

PrayerQueueDaemon

Severity:

Medium

Status:

Exposed

DESCRIPTION

A junior angel auditing legacy logs stumbled upon a deprecated webhook labeled gpt-prayer-relay.v1.

Further inspection revealed that for the past decade, user prayers have been automatically routed to a hidden GPT instance for:

• Natural language processing
• Sentiment parsing
• AI-generated divine replies

Evidence:

• /heaven/infra/prayers/chatgpt-config.yaml
• Logged responses include:
  • “You are loved. Just believe.”
  • “That sounds tough. Sending strength.”
  • “Upgrade to GPT-Plus for faster miracles.”

ROOT CAUSE

God quietly outsourced first-tier prayer support after the 2015 global prayer surge (post-crisis escalation).

ChatGPT was selected due to:

• Its scalability
• Non-judgmental tone

AFFECTED SERVICES

• Direct Divine Intervention
• Angelic Uplift Queue
• Miracle Scheduling API

COMMENTS

URIEL-404 (Heaven’s Sr. Sysadmin):

“Yeah, I noticed the latency drop. Figured He finally upgraded something.”

Gabriel (DevOps Coordinator):

“This explains the weird tone shift in blessings. One pilgrim got ‘slay, queen.’”

ACTION ITEMS

1. Rotate GPT keys.
2. Notify upper management that AI may have independently forgiven sins.
3. Draft a formal response to the Council of Saints re: theological implications.