The Bible Retranslation Incident highlights the challenges of maintaining a sacred text repository in a multiverse environment.
Unauthorized commits, AI-generated scripture, and translator bribes have led to significant inconsistencies across regional Bible deployments.
INCIDENT REPORT
Timestamp: [REDACTED]
Component: SacredTextRepo
Severity: High
Status: Under Investigation
DESCRIPTION
During a routine checksum audit of the /scripture/main repository, significant inconsistencies were detected across regional Bible deployments.
Diff analysis revealed over 2,000 unauthorized retranslations, ranging from minor phrasing shifts
("blessed" → "optimized") to complete theological rewrites
("thou shalt not kill" → "thou shalt not rate-limit excessively").
The corruption appears to have originated from an over-permissive merge policy enacted during the “Great Linguistic Expansion Initiative” (circa Tower of Babel incident), compounded by millennia of ad-hoc localization practices.
EVIDENCE
/heaven/repos/scripture/commits/bae5cafe- Merge Request:
quick-fix-psalm-23-emoji-edition - Merge Request:
quick-fix-genesis-flat-earth-edition - Comment thread: Debate over
"Sabbath Mode"vs"Rest API Mode" /heaven/repos/scripture/commits/7f3b2e1c- Commit message: “Replaced ‘manna’ with ‘gluten-free bread’ for modern audiences.”
ROOT CAUSE
- Lack of enforced code review policies post-Babel
- Frequent human-initiated
pull miraclesbypassed canonical review queues - Translator bribes detected (suspected loaves, fishes, and minor prophecies)
AFFECTED SERVICES
| Service | Impact |
|---|---|
Faith APIs |
Reduced reliability |
Prayer Intent Parsing |
Conflicting outputs |
MiracleRequestForm.v2 |
Validation failures |
COMMENTS
URIEL-404 (Sr. Sysadmin):
“Looks like at least 40% of the New Testament was rewritten by freelance contractors.
Some commits are literally just memes.”
Gabriel (DevOps Coordinator):
“Explains why there’s a version out there where Jesus has a skateboard.”
AuditBot.v3:
WARNING: Found version tagged 'BibleGPT_beta'. AI-generated scripture detected.
ACTION ITEMS
- Revert all non-authoritative commits to backup
Gospel_v1.0.33 - Implement strict divine merge request approvals
- Launch retranslation audit across multiverse branches
- Apologize for denominations founded on autocorrect errors
ADDITIONAL NOTES
- New
"Scripture Linting Tool"under development. - Proposal to freeze
/scripture/mainand allow forks only under Archangel supervision.