HolyRevert.sh

#!/bin/bash
# HolyRevert.sh - Emergency Rollback Protocol
# Author: Uriel-404, HeavenOps SysAdmin
# Last Modified: Creation + 6 Days (Pre-Sabbath Emergency Patch)
# Classification: DIVINE_OPERATIONS_CRITICAL

echo "🔥 INITIATING HOLY ROLLBACK PROTOCOL 🔥"
echo "============================================"

# Verify celestial credentials
if [ "$USER" != "uriel" ] && [ "$USER" != "root" ]; then
    echo "❌ ERROR: Insufficient divine privileges"
    echo "💡 HINT: Have you tried turning yourself off and on again?"
    exit 666
fi

# Check if we're reverting the right reality
echo "📋 Checking current timeline integrity..."
CURRENT_REALITY=$(kubectl get reality --namespace=existence -o json | jq '.spec.version')
if [ "$CURRENT_REALITY" == "null" ]; then
    echo "⚠️  WARNING: Reality appears to be undefined"
    echo "🤷 Uriel says: 'Working as intended'"
fi

# Emergency miracle suspension
echo "🚫 Temporarily disabling miracle queue..."
systemctl stop miracle-dispatcher.service
systemctl stop prayer-router.service

# Backup current state to the Akashic Records
echo "💾 Creating backup in Akashic Records..."
tar -czf "/akashic/backups/reality_$(date +%Y%m%d_%H%M%S).tar.gz" \
    /reality/current \
    /logs/prayer_requests \
    /config/commandments.conf

# The actual rollback
echo "⏪ Rolling back to last known good configuration..."
kubectl rollout undo deployment/universe --namespace=existence
kubectl rollout undo deployment/free-will --namespace=humanity

# Restart essential services
echo "🔄 Restarting critical services..."
systemctl start seraphim-monitoring.service
systemctl start guardian-angel-dispatch.service

# Verify rollback success
echo "✅ Verifying rollback completion..."
if kubectl get pods --namespace=existence | grep -q "Running"; then
    echo "🎉 Rollback successful!"
    echo "📊 Current status: Everything works. That's enough."
else
    echo "💥 Rollback failed. Escalating to Management."
    echo "📧 Sending automated blame email to responsible parties..."
    curl -X POST "https://heavenops.local/api/blame" \
         -H "Content-Type: application/json" \
         -d '{"incident": "rollback_failure", "blame": "humanity", "solution": "have_you_tried_prayer"}'
fi

# Re-enable miracles (if we feel like it)
echo "🌟 Re-enabling miracle processing..."
systemctl start miracle-dispatcher.service
systemctl start prayer-router.service

echo "============================================"
echo "🏁 HOLY ROLLBACK PROTOCOL COMPLETE"
echo "📝 Remember: All incidents are learning opportunities"
echo "💭 Uriel's Note: 'If it's broken again tomorrow, it's a feature'"