[33-03-31 09:00] Audit initiated: Unauthorized miracle detected
[33-03-31 09:15] Compliance agent assigned: Pilate
[33-03-31 10:00] Cease-and-desist scroll issued
[33-03-31 12:00] Incident escalated: Public disruption
Incident Report #LP-1820
Filed by: angelic-legal@divine.dev
Date: April 6, 1830
Defendant: smith.joseph@goldenplates.net
Violation: Intellectual property breach — unauthorized prophecy extraction
“We found the accused in violation of both temple protocol and Roman oversight. He claimed to be the Son of God. He had no badge.”
— ROMSEC Compliance Report, Judean Sector
🗂️ ROMSEC Final Ruling
Document: ROMSEC-CRX-33A
Subject: Yeshua of Nazareth a.k.a. “The Christ”
Division: Judean Sector, Ministry of Theological Equilibrium
Filed by: Pontius Pilate, Regional Oversight Lead
Date of Enforcement: Passover Cycle 33, CE
🧾 Executive Summary
Following an extensive audit, the Roman Spiritual Enforcement Commission (ROMSEC) has concluded its investigation into Yeshua of Nazareth for unauthorized theological disruption, failure to register messianic claims, and anticompetitive behavior within the Judean belief ecosystem.
The subject demonstrated monopolistic intent through:
- Bypassing sacrificial APIs via direct forgiveness commands (
forgive_sins(user)), - Offering free healing services without temple-sanctioned billing tokens,
- Refusing to comply with Pharisaic doctrinal licensing (Torah v1.0).
📉 Key Violations
| Code | Violation | Severity |
|---|---|---|
| TEO-613(a) | Unlicensed miracle deployments | HIGH |
| REL-12(b) | Unauthorized claim to divinity | EXTREME |
| PRP-3(c) | Systemic disruption of priestly revenue model | SEVERE |
| GOV-7 | Inciting public version fork (“Kingdom of God”) | MAXIMUM |
🧵 Case Summary
After multiple cease-and-desist scrolls were ignored, and a patch rollback (Matt. 21:12) failed to deter further system interference, local agents escalated the issue to the Judean Proconsul. Public sentiment was deemed volatile. A public crucifixion was recommended as a high-visibility deplatforming event.
Notably, post-execution audits revealed data resurrection 72 hours after incident close, possibly indicating backup persistence or unauthorized use of divine container snapshotting. An appeal is pending.
👼 Commentary: Uriel-404, Compliance Angel
“Honestly, He wasn’t even charging. Just healing users for free. Rome called that ‘market distortion.’ They get real twitchy when salvation isn’t monetized.”
“We recommended a warning banner. Rome opted for wood and nails.”
⚖️ Resolution
Yeshua of Nazareth has been flagged as a theological monopolist under ROMSEC guidelines. His movement remains under observation, though early followers have rebranded to “The Church” and continue to deploy unauthorized grace packets via decentralized prayer nodes.
We advise continued surveillance for:
- Resurrection exploits,
- Miraculous API tokens,
- Second Coming release candidates.
Appeal Status: Pending review by the Eternal Supreme Court (expected delay: ∞ business days).
🛠️ Roman Remediation
The following remediation steps are mandated by ROMSEC (Roman Spiritual Enforcement Commission) and do not reflect Divine DevOps policy.
- All miracle deployments must be registered with ROMSEC and pass compliance review.
- Messianic claims require multi-factor authentication and valid badge credentials.
- Free healing APIs must implement rate limiting and billing token checks.
- Pharisaic doctrinal licensing (Torah v1.0 or later) is mandatory for all theological disruptors.
- Public forking of belief systems should be coordinated via official pull request channels.
- Resurrection exploits must be disclosed under the Responsible Miraculous Disclosure Program (RMDP).
- All appeals should be filed through the Eternal Supreme Court’s ticketing system (expected SLA: infinite).
🕊️ Glory be to the audit log, and to the eternal uptime, as it was in the beginning, shall be in production, world without 404s. Amen.