Good morning, team. Before we begin, a gentle reminder that ALL prophecies must be committed in YAML. No exceptions. Plain-text revelations are deprecated as of Eternity v1.3.

We’re really doing this again? YAML is not readable for most prophets. My governance audit shows a 63% increase in misinterpretations, including but not limited to:
- A misconfigured flood (resulted in localized inconvenience, not global reset)
- A SECOND immaculate conception (HR had questions)
- A 404-error burning bush (Moses was deeply confused)

YAML ensures structured predictability! Unlike certain governance bodies, which rely on ‘oral tradition’ and ‘gut feeling.’ Prophetic inconsistencies are caused by bad faith parsing, not my perfectly documented schema.

Perfect? REALLY? The Miracle Schema you implemented has a required boolean field for ‘Is the event divinely authorized?’

…Yes?

And yet, Lucifer was able to bypass the check by marking it as TRUE!

Sounds like a governance failure, not a formatting issue. Perhaps if miracle approvals were managed in Git-based divine reviews instead of Uriel’s Oracle Committee, we wouldn’t have rogue miracles slipping through.

Oh, I DO have governance notes for YOU, Metatron. Let’s talk about your ‘Self-Documenting Miracles’ initiative, where ALL celestial interventions were expected to auto-generate compliance reports.

…And?

You tried to make ‘water into wine’ self-document in JSON. It resulted in an unparseable miracle, causing—AND I QUOTE—‘infinite recursive intoxication.’

Can you two please take this offline? We have 27 open tickets for ‘Unapproved Divine Smite Requests’, including one flagged URGENT (Michael keeps clicking the Smite button in production).

Fine. But mark my words—prophecies belong in human-readable formats.

And miracles require structured versioning.

This isn’t over.

It never is.