You want uptime?
I was there when Babel went down. Don't ask.
[INCIDENT LOG - uptime-001] TOWER COMMUNICATION FAILURE
🟥 INCIDENT TRIGGERED AT 09:12 UTC
System: BabelCommStack-v2.1
Severity: CRITICAL
Region: Global (Distributed Cluster)
[INFO] Initial deployment appeared successful
[INFO] Teams aligned on unified protocol: `OneLanguage-v1`
[WARN] Divergence detected in west quadrant (Chaldean Fork)
[FAILURE] BabelCommStack.v2.1 → segmentation by dialect
[FORK-STORM] Protocols spawned uncontrollably: `OldHebrew`, `ProtoGreek`, `Aramaic.js`, `Sanskrit++`
[OFFLINE] Build halted — no shared syntax
Excerpt from Slack #non-celestial-status
Channel: #non-celestial-status
uriel
09:15
Anyone else seeing protocol forking?
gabriel
09:16
Confirmed. Language packs multiplying.
uriel
09:17
Filing this under “not my miracle.”
Impact: All global communication systems reverted to emoji-only mode for 40 days.
Root Cause
Human language stack was hardcoded, no feature flags.
God pushed Confusion.v3 straight to prod—no rollback, no changelog, no QA signoff.
Uriel’s Note
“Next time, I’m setting up a CI pipeline for miracles. Or at least a linter.”
Status: 🗃️ Filed under ‘Let God Sort It Out’