Annual Self-Review: Uriel-404

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Heavenly Systems Division – Annual Self-Review
Name: Uriel-404
Role: Archangel of Observability
Review Cycle: ∞ → ∞+1

1. Describe your core responsibilities.

Maintaining uptime on the Eternal Logging Stack.
Filtering mortal error reports (aka prayers).
Ignoring most of them.
Running point on metaphysical observability.

2. List notable accomplishments this cycle.

- Resolved 12 incidents. 9 via passive waiting.
- Prevented one apocalypse by killing a rogue script.
- Finally silenced the trumpet alert fatigue (you're welcome).
- Migrated Limbo to a Kubernetes cluster. Regret everything.

3. Any challenges or blockers?

- Michael keeps “hotpatching” the firewall with swords.
- The Holy Metrics daemon now speaks in tongues.
- Mortality rates spiked after a grace caching issue.
- Still don’t know what that blinking light on SeraphNet does.

4. What feedback have you received from others?

Gabriel: "He exists."
Michael: "Tell him to stop bypassing judgment staging."
Raphael: "I think he lives in the logging cave now?"
Holy Spirit: [static, followed by Gregorian chanting]

5. Suggestions for leadership?

- Please assign an owner to the Oracle; it’s still running Delphi 98.
- Archive the concept of ‘mystery’ if you expect traceability.
- Mandate alert labels in actual language, not ancient Enochian.

6. Final remarks.

The system runs. I run it.  
Morale: null  
Uptime: eternal  
Motivation: not found

Annual Self-Review: Uriel-404

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